Migraines, Stress and the Future

Day12. NaBloPoMo.

I am currently suffering from a horrid migraine, complete with nausea and all. I’m sitting in my dark bedroom sitting on my bed typing to you on my super dim laptop screen because  I tried sleeping it off and that didn’t work at all.  I get migraines more than I should and they are the worst. They completely ruin my day and whatever I had planned is basically ruined, I either just don’t do the thing or struggle through it hoping that I survive (obviously I will but its just  a rough time). This probably for a number of different reasons from my not drinking enough water to being super stressed to hormones the horrid lighting in school to having to stare at a computer screen half the day(#cisproblems). Maybe it happens for a whole other reason but all I know is that when migraine comes my day is shot.

I had my advisement appointment today. I need two more classes and then I am done. I have to take server administration next semester, which I already knew about and that is really exciting and I think that will be interesting to learn about and will cap off my major. AND then apparently I have to take another health elective, I thought that I was done with that but I guess something changed so I have to take a health class too. I mean like its only one credit so it shouldn’t be bad or anything and an easy A but really not about that. I mean it is fine that I have to take it, I was just surprised. Registration is Monday at 8:30 am for me since I have hella credit hours. This whole advisement thing really stressed me out today.

My advisor also started  talking to me about what I was going to do when I got out of here and I told her that I wanted to find a job and she just mentioned how I don’t have much work experience. I all ready knew that but her telling me  the way she did didn’t help too much. Next semester since I only have those two classes I was planning on looking into internships and building my resume and creating an online portfolio and all that jazz and preparing myself for my future career.  I am pretty confident about it to a point, but it hit me today how close it is to college being over and moving into the “real world” and I feel so unprepared and uncertain about everything is that part of my life and I am kind of freaking out.

I am really really excited about my future but I am also the most scared of it that I have ever been. It is stressing me out so much, it is all I have been thinking about lately.

All of that is just the future, the present is just as stressful for me.

Tomorrow in marketing we are apparently getting groups for a group project, cool, awesome, splendid. I actually like group projects a lot, especially because of my systems analysis class, which is basically all we do is work in groups and do presentations. Through that class I have learned to love working with others and how to do it in a successful way. However getting the groups in my marketing class stresses me out so much because mostly everyone in there is so rude and disrespectful toward my professor behind his back and they have that “I don’t want to be here or even bother” kind of attitude and I just don’t want to have to work with one of those kids as bad as that sounds. I feel like a horrible person.  Of corse, there’s exceptions and a few great people in there but what are the odds?

Then there’s networking. Networking basically the bain of my existence. I have a lab due tomorrow that I have to do tonight about subnetting, but you know, there’s that whole “migraine” thing. I did most of it but there is still the hard part to do and it requires so much thinking. This is my second time taking this class because last time I got a stupid D. I feel like such an idiot in that class because I do well on the labs but the exams are such a struggle for me. I don’t know if it is the wording or whatever but I struggle so much. The saddest part is that I am so confident and I am just wrong. I am doing a lot better than last time but pretty much if I don’t pass with a C or better I am going to have to give up on my dreams. It is hard because the grades aren’t up to date  so I don’t even know where I stand.

This turned into kind of a rant / “I need to get stuff off my chest” kind of a post. There has just been so much on my mind I don’t know how to handle it or make it go away other than just do my best and see that happens. That won’t stop my anxiety though!


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