I am so sick of feeling trapped all the time. It is seriously the worst feeling ever.
I hardly do anything with my life other than go to school, and go to work on the weekends. The reason behind this is because I have no freedom to do what I want to do since I don’t have a license. I don’t know why, but I feel so embarrassed about it. I feel like a burden every single day having to depend of people to take me where I need to go. Being an independent person, I absolutely hate having to rely on people for something that I should be able to do myself.
I feel like I am being help back and trapped because I can’t do anything to get ahead in life. I can’t work more hours, I can’t even apply to an internship right now, because how would I even get there? And then there’s my whole school situation, my classes don’t start until much later in the day, (2 and 3:30) but the only way to get there is to go with my friend, where I have to sit on campus for six hours before I can even think about going to my classes and then I have to make her wait until almost five o’clock some days and I feel so bad. I literally have no freedom and it is tearing me apart.
I should have gotten my license almost five years ago when I was sixteen. Back then I was so uncomfortable and anxious about driving and my mom didn’t really feel comfortable teaching me how to drive. So, when my boyfriend turned 21 last September, I started driving with him, basically every time we were together. At first I was super nervous, but I got more and more comfortable. He is basically the only one who has supported me and not made me more afraid to drive.
So, my road test is tomorrow!
One part of me is really stoked and excited because I know that I can do everything but I am just a little nervous because I have heard my fair share of road test horror stories. I have been relatively confident up until yesterday when my mom says that she doesn’t think I am ready and that I am “rushing into it”.
No. I’m not. I am not the type of person to jump into something if I am not ready.
I have waited so long for this, and I am not rushing into it at all. I really need this. I need to be able to go out whenever I want and do things for myself and be able to take opportunities and have the freedom to do whatever I want to do. I need to be able to be an adult. Maybe my mom thinks that by doing this she will lose me because of the freedom, because I doubt I will be home as much. I don’t know.
It just kind of hurts when it seems like your mother doesn’t approve of what you are trying to do.